No, not that kind.
Leah’s become more and more concerned with my health since Ava came along. It’s nice, though I realize the primary concern isn’t really for me.
As part of my new health awareness, Leah scheduled me for a skin check at the dermatologist she sees (without checking with me first). No problem. I do have some moles on my back, and I used to get A LOT of sun when I was younger (my Swedish background not only makes me immune to HIV, it allows my skin to take on a deep, even tan).
I dutifully arrived at the doctor’s office at the appointed hour, signed in, and then waited to be seen. After a bit, a birdy medical assistant popped her head out the door and asked me to “come on back.” I complied. She did her little intake dance, and then left the room while I stripped down to my skivvies.
Sitting in a doctor’s office in one’s underwear, waiting to see a woman doctor you’ve never met before, can be a bit nervewracking. During my 20-minute wait, I sat on the examination table with a straight back and did deep breathing exercises to lower my heart rate. I almost dozed off once, but before I knew it, the doctor was breezing through the door with her assistant in tow.
Imagine a 50-year-old version of a cross between Lisa Rinna and Teri Hatcher wearing a smart black dress with thin white piping at the edges and a tidy belt at the waist. I was worried that the cherry-tomato-sized diamond in her engagement ring might get in her way during the examination, but she seemed used to dealing with the burden. Anyway, there I am in my underwear, and there’s Teri…erm, the doctor, going over every inch of my body with a metal ruler and a spotlight. It was quite an experience. From what I could glean from the numbers she threw out to her assistant, I have a number of 3×3 moles and some 3x5s and a couple others.
The short of it is that I “should have” six of the moles removed. Problem is, they’re only able to remove five at a sitting, so I have to come back to have the sixth one taken off 10 days after my first appt (the same time I have the stitches from the first five removed). I asked if the number of moles I had would qualify me for a volume discount, at which the doctor laughed before saying, “actually, yes.” So I have that going for me.
All in all, not a bad time. I’ll have to see what I can do about getting my abs toned up a bit before my next appointment.