I love a good hamburger as much as the next guy. Always have. Almost since I can remember, I’d watch my dad pan fry or grill burgers — depending on the season — to share with all of the friends my brother and I would have over at our house. Dill pickle slices, onion, relish, mustard, ketchup. These weren’t fancy bleu cheese and caramelized onion burgers, oh no. This was Burgers 101.
I can’t recall an occasion on which I’ve turned a burger away. I’ve had some that weren’t so great, but I’ve never met a burger I wouldn’t eat. It appears, though, that the time to shun a burger may now be upon me. You may have noticed the ad campaigns put on by Burger King and Hardee’s aimed at guilting young men everywhere into stepping up to the counter and ordering a burger made from the ground-up remains of one whole half of the Iowa State Fair’s award winner for largest bull. And it doesn’t just stop at the patty anymore. You gotta have all sorts of stuff slathered under the bun. I love to be adventurous with food, in general, but when it comes to burgers, I like ’em basic. I can get by with ketchup, mustard, a couple dill slices, and a nice thick slice of onion.
And this is why Hardee’s is losing me. Their new Philly Cheesesteak Thickburger is everything a burger shouldn’t be: It’s a burger and another sandwich rolled into one, which is the cardinal sin of fast food (see: Taco Bell). Who thought this was a good idea? Didn’t Hardee’s get the industry-wide memo stating that the money to be made in burgers comes from the $.99 menu (see: Wendy’s). I like Philly cheesesteaks. And I (obviously) like burgers. But this ain’t like a peanut butter cup, where two great tastes taste great together. Adios, Hardee’s. I used to be a fan.