Sometimes that little ol’ wife of mine sure does crack me up. Like today. She got a really nice glider rocker in excellent condition FOR FREE from friends of mine. She wanted it for the nursery, but only on the condition that she could get it reupholstered to match the wall color and the brown skirt on the crib. Well, guess what? It’s going to cost $400 to get it reupholstered. And no, the company that makes the chair does NOT make replacement cushions. So, the options upon discovering this cost seem pretty clear: Spend $400 on upholstery; get a brown blanket and throw it over the chair; use the chair as is, for free. Leah insists that the chair is useless to her if it’s not a shade of brown that will match the room. Go back and read that sentence again. You probably think I’m exaggerating. I assure you I am not.
Like a good husband, I assured my wife that all her wailing and gnashing of teeth over a stupid chair was, to quote myself, “almost criminally insane.” Too much? Perhaps. Sadly, I’m the only person left in Leah’s atmosphere…with the possible exception of her sister, on occasion…who will speak truth to power. As we waited for Leah’s food at Guido’s today at noon (if you haven’t been, skip it), she seethed while frantically punching buttons on her celly. Surely the person who upholstered Rachel’s sofa could do this chair, too? There must be a cheaper option! Somewhere, somehow! I sat by, chuckling quietly to myself over the ridiculousness of it all. And also the sadness of it. That anyone would let a fabric color ruin her day — particularly in the midst of a life otherwise overflowing with good fortune — is to me outside the realm of reason. But what do I know? I don’t have any sense of aesthetics.
Real housewife of Johnson County
March 30th, 2009 · by map · 26 Comments
Tags: Entertainment · TMI
26 responses so far ↓
1 writermom // Mar 30, 2009 at 8:24 pm
We all live in glass houses, so I’d be careful with those stones. Love and hugs, as always.
2 writermom // Mar 30, 2009 at 2:24 pm
We all live in glass houses, so I’d be careful with those stones. Love and hugs, as always.
3 Jen // Mar 30, 2009 at 8:41 pm
Yeeeowch. You did *not* just compare your “little ol’ wife” to the old woman in that story, did you?
I mean, I get your point, but that’s brutal!
4 Jen // Mar 30, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Yeeeowch. You did *not* just compare your “little ol’ wife” to the old woman in that story, did you?
I mean, I get your point, but that’s brutal!
5 map // Mar 30, 2009 at 8:45 pm
What social convention keeps us from openly admitting the silliness of this situation? I’m using the royal “us” here. Surely it’s not the sole purview of the asshole to think that “free $300 chair” trumps “matching chair and bedskirt?” Is it just me? Really?
6 map // Mar 30, 2009 at 2:45 pm
What social convention keeps us from openly admitting the silliness of this situation? I’m using the royal “us” here. Surely it’s not the sole purview of the asshole to think that “free $300 chair” trumps “matching chair and bedskirt?” Is it just me? Really?
7 Danny // Mar 30, 2009 at 8:55 pm
You should see the sprinkler system we installed. (I’m just kidding, wife, just kidding!)
8 Danny // Mar 30, 2009 at 2:55 pm
You should see the sprinkler system we installed. (I’m just kidding, wife, just kidding!)
9 Jen // Mar 30, 2009 at 9:02 pm
You know me, I’d totally just wrap that cushion in a nice brown fabric and be done with it. Or even (gasp!) leave it as-is. I’m easy to please, and cheap as hell. So I agree with you, mostly, on the subject of upholstery.
But that’s not my point–the post just struck me as a little harsh. My feelings would be hurt if I was your wife.
10 Jen // Mar 30, 2009 at 3:02 pm
You know me, I’d totally just wrap that cushion in a nice brown fabric and be done with it. Or even (gasp!) leave it as-is. I’m easy to please, and cheap as hell. So I agree with you, mostly, on the subject of upholstery.
But that’s not my point–the post just struck me as a little harsh. My feelings would be hurt if I was your wife.
11 Vanessa // Mar 30, 2009 at 9:04 pm
Wow. I would LOVE for Leah to come see our nursery. It is entirely full of mismatched, re-purposed hand-me-downs. And you know what? Cadie loves it, and I love that Cadie’s in it.
I really can appreciate the desire for a gorgeous, matching room, but I’m 100% with you on this one, Mark.
12 Vanessa // Mar 30, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Wow. I would LOVE for Leah to come see our nursery. It is entirely full of mismatched, re-purposed hand-me-downs. And you know what? Cadie loves it, and I love that Cadie’s in it.
I really can appreciate the desire for a gorgeous, matching room, but I’m 100% with you on this one, Mark.
13 map // Mar 30, 2009 at 9:16 pm
I feel confident that Leah wouldn’t refute my claim that this post is actually a pretty mild recounting of the events of the lunch hour today. Am I telling tales out of school? Maybe that’s it. I should add the TMI tag to this post. Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus (where everything’s always 75% off, and there’s no limit per purchase).
14 map // Mar 30, 2009 at 3:16 pm
I feel confident that Leah wouldn’t refute my claim that this post is actually a pretty mild recounting of the events of the lunch hour today. Am I telling tales out of school? Maybe that’s it. I should add the TMI tag to this post. Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus (where everything’s always 75% off, and there’s no limit per purchase).
15 Cindy // Mar 30, 2009 at 9:34 pm
I am curious what the current fabric color is?
16 map // Mar 30, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Cindy, go here and check out the “4163” fabric option. I think that’s it. If not, it’s close. I’m sure Leah will give you a good deal on the chair if you’re interested. Oh, wait, what am I talking about? Why would you need a glider rocker now? Pfft. Silly me!
17 Cindy // Mar 30, 2009 at 3:34 pm
I am curious what the current fabric color is?
18 map // Mar 30, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Cindy, go here and check out the “4163” fabric option. I think that’s it. If not, it’s close. I’m sure Leah will give you a good deal on the chair if you’re interested. Oh, wait, what am I talking about? Why would you need a glider rocker now? Pfft. Silly me!
19 georgie // Mar 30, 2009 at 10:26 pm
I’m stunned- this is just plain mean. I may be Leah’s mom and may not always agree with her. But I don’t post it for the whole world to see. And, by the way, I may not always agree with you and I still wouldn’t post it for the whole world to know
20 georgie // Mar 30, 2009 at 4:26 pm
I’m stunned- this is just plain mean. I may be Leah’s mom and may not always agree with her. But I don’t post it for the whole world to see. And, by the way, I may not always agree with you and I still wouldn’t post it for the whole world to know
21 jwh // Mar 31, 2009 at 12:17 am
ever watch the chapelle show?
he did a few skits titled “When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong”…
anyway, if you haven’t seen them, they’re worth a google.
22 jwh // Mar 30, 2009 at 6:17 pm
ever watch the chapelle show?
he did a few skits titled “When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong”…
anyway, if you haven’t seen them, they’re worth a google.
23 map // Mar 31, 2009 at 12:22 am
Note to self: My bad behavior is grist for the talk circuit; Leah’s is not. Noted.
24 map // Mar 30, 2009 at 6:22 pm
Note to self: My bad behavior is grist for the talk circuit; Leah’s is not. Noted.
25 kim painter // Mar 31, 2009 at 3:51 pm
* note: lest you be confused by the beginning of the response below, i attempted to post this earlier, here, and could not. so i posted it under an earlier heading instead. mark graciously fixed that for me, so here is my two-cents in the fray surrounding the nursery furnishings and upholstery. –kim
i shall be shucked from this blog, for sure, but i’m posting here because i can’t get comments onto the article above, about the matching fabric for the nursery glider. no one has made the one simple claim that needs to be made here.
pregnancy trumps everything. even i, an admitted lesbian who has never given birth, know this. (after all, i watched ross deal with rachel on ‘friends.’)
reason? forget it. not even close. economics? pshaw. some idea of moral proportion? uh – nope.
if a pregnant woman frantically seeks matching fabric for her damned free glider, she gets the matching fabric! it is the job of the male of the species to get out a checkbook or debit card or even cash and take care of it. and, over time, i am told, couples grow increasingly dear to each other indeed, as they recall these bits of insanity and dine out on their respective stories.
i love you both, and look forward to checking out that perfectly matching glider one day!
–kim
26 kim painter // Mar 31, 2009 at 9:51 am
* note: lest you be confused by the beginning of the response below, i attempted to post this earlier, here, and could not. so i posted it under an earlier heading instead. mark graciously fixed that for me, so here is my two-cents in the fray surrounding the nursery furnishings and upholstery. –kim
i shall be shucked from this blog, for sure, but i’m posting here because i can’t get comments onto the article above, about the matching fabric for the nursery glider. no one has made the one simple claim that needs to be made here.
pregnancy trumps everything. even i, an admitted lesbian who has never given birth, know this. (after all, i watched ross deal with rachel on ‘friends.’)
reason? forget it. not even close. economics? pshaw. some idea of moral proportion? uh – nope.
if a pregnant woman frantically seeks matching fabric for her damned free glider, she gets the matching fabric! it is the job of the male of the species to get out a checkbook or debit card or even cash and take care of it. and, over time, i am told, couples grow increasingly dear to each other indeed, as they recall these bits of insanity and dine out on their respective stories.
i love you both, and look forward to checking out that perfectly matching glider one day!
–kim