One of my only successful lobbying efforts as a parent thus far was my effort to let Ava have a little more autonomy at bedtime. For a long time, Leah had been lying with Ava in bed, telling her stories and rubbing her back until Ava (and often Leah) drifted off. Then Leah had to creep off of Ava’s creaky old bed and out of her room without waking her up. Sometimes this would take longer than an hour, after which Leah would come downstairs and grouse about how she never had any time to herself in the evenings.
After numerous gentle (and some not-so-gentle) suggestions from me that we try to get Ava to sleep on her own, Leah broke down and let it happen. I think even Leah would admit that the process wasn’t as onerous as she was anticipating. Ava cried for a while those first couple nights, but when she finally realized we meant business, she did a great job of just going to sleep by herself. Now, the evening routine looks like this:
We get home from picking Ava up from daycare at about 5:15. I start dinner, and we eat at about 6. Ava monkeys around for a bit while I do dishes and Leah starts the bath (or vice versa). After bath, the three of us load into our bed and set about reading a couple books. Then we floss Ava’s teeth and get her into the bathroom to try to go potty again before bed. She also brushes at this time. With luck, we have her tucked in by about 7:20 or so. Leah still stays with her for a bit in Ava’s darkened room and tells her a couple short stories, but then she walks out and comes downstairs. Ava makes Leah count all the stair steps out loud. Then, at the bottom of the stairs, Leah calls out, “And now I’m downstairs. Night night. I love you.” To which Ava always responds, “Louder!” So Leah repeats her line, louder, and that’s that. Ava will usually sleep for about five hours before waking up to get into our bed, though sometimes she goes all night in her room.
If there’s one takeaway message from all this, it’s that kids — even toddlers — are capable of doing way more for themselves than doting parents give them credit for. Sure, sometimes they stuff the toilet full of paper or stick an English muffin in the DVD player (I’m looking at you, Kathryn), but when they get things right, they really take a lot of pride (and/or comfort) in being able to get something done without any help. I know that Leah felt like she wasn’t being an adequate mother if she wasn’t meeting Ava’s every need and responding to her every cry or whine, but I think she’s starting to realize now that allowing Ava to stand on her own two feet more often is a great way to strengthen her daughter’s personality. A bonus is that it allows Leah to spend more time in the land of the living, too, which makes her happier.