In the space of 13 months I went from leading the life of a confirmed bachelor with no designs on having a family to being married and fathering a little girl. *blink, blink*
I guess a lot of people come to a point in their lives when they figure it’s time to throw caution to the wind and just let life take them where it will. Some get it right out of high school, or in college when they encounter that first impossible math class and drop out with hopes of greener pastures, or in mid-life, when the responsibility of providing for a family slowly begins to wear you down like a huge lead weight sliding up the back of a sled at a tractor pull.
Leah’s commented on more than one occasion that she’s enjoying her 30s much more than she did her 20s or any other period so far in her life (and that’s saying something for a girl who partied as much as she did in high school). I suppose I’d agree. That sweet taste of independence you get when you first arrive at college realizes its full flavor when you finally have a house, a spouse, and a little one waiting to see you at the end of the day (or you otherwise reach a point in your life where you establish yourself).
The only thing that’s certain is that time disappears now like it never did before. I don’t know if it’s being married, having Ava, or what, but Monday morning turns into Friday afternoon almost before I’ve even stepped out the door at the beginning of the week. And weekends? They’re the shortest of all, and all the more precious for it. When we see our friends who have children, we give each other resigned looks and say things like, “Where does the time go?” or, “they grow up so fast.” We always look exactly the same, but we have these little people with us who may not look anything like they did the last time we encountered them.
I don’t have any sense anymore that I have control over what I’ll be doing or where I’ll be tomorrow. Or next week or month. For a while it was frustrating and a little scary, but more and more I’m finding bliss in the fact that I’m hurtling through time. Looking back now on my bachelor days, it seems likely that any measure of control I thought I had then was just an illusion anyway.