Ashley Judd doesn’t want to have any babies as long as there’s starvation, overcrowding, and childhood disease in the world. I understand completely, Ashley. And I’m not saying that because I believe attractive women can get away with saying whatever they want in public. I really mean it.
Actually, I’m like you, Ashley. Children do seem like an extravagance in a country with so much excess everywhere. I was never someone who yearned to have children of my own, but not necessarily because I wanted to see the resources my child might use distributed to needy kids in other parts of the world. I just never felt the pull, never heard the slowly gathering “tick tick tick” of some invisible clock somewhere down in my guts. I liked kids and got along with them, but I didn’t need one.
This morning Ava and I were lying in our bed while Leah took a shower. Ava, as usual, was sprawled sideways across the space vacated by Leah, snoring delicately and slowly flexing her fingers as though she was grasping the arm of one of her baby dolls. Maybe she was dreaming.
After a bit Ava rolled over on her side and let out a big sigh. I rubbed her back in an effort to keep her asleep as long as possible. I could feel her little shoulder blade as her ribs expanded with each tiny breath. It struck me again, as it does these days now and then, what a miracle this child is. Not necessarily a religious-type miracle, but just a relatively small miracle of biology. A miracle of miniature bones and organs and ligaments and ears and toes and knees and fine, silken lashes that flutter over her eyes like the frilly fringe on the world’s most delicate, exotic fabric.
Naturally, it’s impossible now to consider life without Ava. She has been in the world and moved and spoken and touched the lives of everyone who’s seen or held her. She’s the most obscene extravagance I could ever imagine. What is a Ferrari or a mansion in the English countryside or a 12 carat yellow diamond next to this? Ava’s perfect life outshines them all and bathes us in its brilliance.