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Marriage poll

January 27th, 2010 · by Leah · 15 Comments

Question: Is it okay for one spouse to make a major, personal purchase (for an item worth more than $500) without consulting with the other spouse? (Keeping in mind that the spouses have separate checking/savings accounts and split the household bills fairly evenly between the two.) What do all of you blog readers think? Acceptable or not?

Tags: General

  • http://nicheplayer.net map

    Totally acceptable! Duh!

  • http://twitter.com/dannynovo Danny Novo

    So, Leah wants to buy a new iPad without consulting Mark, is that what's going on?

  • tricia

    Delurking–that would never fly in this family, but we have a joint account. Everything separate? I think it is fine.

  • DawneyB

    I think so long as the couple is meeting all of their joint responsibilities and the money isn't supposed to be used for something else that both spouses have agreed upon, then it is fine. I think everyone needs access to their own money and why should the ability to make a purchase AND the decision to make the purchase (big or small) go away just because of marriage… This is the beauty of having several accounts – our money, our savings, my money, his money…

  • Emily

    If you have decided, as a couple, that you are saving for say a new house, vacation, furniture, college, etc. then the purchase without discussion is not acceptable. If you have had no such conversation about saving then the purchase is acceptable given the fact that you have seperate accounts. (That sounded very official so hopefully you take it as such).

  • http://www.aprille.org/ Aprille

    Only acceptable if it's a FABULOUS gift for Partner A that Partner B is certain he/she will love.

    We do joint accounts, though. We used to keep it separate, but when I cut back on work after having the baby, we went joint. Honestly, doing that made me feel more “married” than just about anything else.

  • http://twitter.com/dannynovo Danny Novo

    Okay, fine, everyone is being so serious.

    We also have joint accounts, and frankly, I have a hard time imagining doing it the other way. But that's not the discussion here, is it?

    If you have separate accounts, and if you come together each month to contribute to the monthly joint bills, and your lavishness doesn't mess with your ability to contribute your share to the joint expenses (because really, are you going to get evicted if you can't pay?), then what the hell, why couldn't you spend your own money however you like?

    But again, this is very far outside my own experience.

  • http://nicheplayer.net map

    So I presume I should've told you, Leah, before I ordered this iPad?

  • john smith

    pot calling the kettle black, Leah?

  • DawneyB

    Okay – we've all waited long enough. What is the story behind this “poll”? :~)

  • avagmom

    Well, John Smith, I don't know who you are, but I've never purchased one $700 item without at least letting Mark know ahead of time that I would be doing so. Even though we have separate accounts, I still think of all this money as “our” money–and not just mine or his.

    Dawn, the issue that sparked the poll was that Mark bought a $700 camera lens without mentioning it to me. Then, when I asked him if he was “getting that lens,” he said “no.” I paused a moment and said, “Did you already get it?” Then he said, “yes.” So it was two issues, really: The lack of communication and the skirting of the truth. :) However, to be fair to Mark, I probably end up spending $700 in just a few months on clothes, shoes, etc. for myself and the kids.

    We now have a new agreement to simply check in with each other when either of us spends more than $100 on an item. I wanted the limit to be $500 or more. LOL!

  • avagmom

    Hey, “John Smith”–nice fake name and email address. If you're going to post on our blog, you should at least be man/woman enough to identify who you really are. Andrew S., is that you? LOL!

  • http://nicheplayer.net map

    So if I buy an iPad on installment….

  • http://nicheplayer.net map

    Harvey, is that you…?

  • http://nicheplayer.net map

    If Parenting accepts my submission for their cover contest, this lens will have paid for itself hundred of times over! Muwahahahahaha!