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It’s now or never

March 18th, 2009 · by map · 16 Comments

Hi, Ava.

As you know, there’s some excitement in our house over this new baby we’re expecting. We’ve each been thinking in abstract terms, mostly, about how things will change when we go from three to four. Things that we’ll lose. Things that we’ll gain. And things we hope won’t change at all. Like the piggy back rides I give you down to the kitchen in the morning. Or the way you turn your head, exposing your neck, so I can give you your “nightly nibbles” before bed. The little rituals and games we have together that we can share when no one else is around.

I know it’s going to be tough in some cases to try to keep these pieces of our relationship intact when there’s another child in the house. Someone else with whom I’ll be eager to create new games. I’m happy that you’re going to be old enough to understand, mostly, that your mom and dad need to spend a lot of time with the new baby. We want you to spend a lot of time with the new baby, too. I’m just sad that you’re not old enough to really understand how important our little connections are to me.

Tomorrow I get to spend the day with you. It seems like a last gasp, somehow. Who knows the next time I’ll ever get to savor this time alone with my first daughter. My big girl. There’ll be piggy back rides. And nibbles. And quiet moments, I hope. Time to just be Dad and Ava. If you ever read this, I hope by that time you still have memories of the special times you and I had together.

Love you, Ms. Snugglesworth.

Pop

Tags: Ava · TMI

  • Leah

    This makes me cry. It’s so beautiful, honey. You’ll always be her special daddy–and she’ll always be your first.

  • Leah

    This makes me cry. It’s so beautiful, honey. You’ll always be her special daddy–and she’ll always be your first.

  • http://iowahowes.blogspot.com writermom

    Sacrifices will be made, no doubt, but there will always be time for the nibbles. It takes some effort, but I know you’ll keep those connections alive. I remember some very bittersweet feelings in the weeks before Lila’s birth; eager anticipation mixed with a bit of grief for the family we were leaving behind. And guilt that we’d given Alex nowhere near the amount of undivided attention he deserved…the sort of attention, of course, that the second child never receives. It was a seismic adjustment for all…still there are times when I feel like a watered-down version for both my children. But, just this weekend, I got to enjoy two very special outings with my darling first, my big boy, just the two of us walking hand-in-hand along the ped mall. You will find ways to just be Dad and Ava, maybe in not the exact same way it once was, but still making special memories together. Enjoy your day tomorrow.

  • http://iowahowes.blogspot.com writermom

    Sacrifices will be made, no doubt, but there will always be time for the nibbles. It takes some effort, but I know you’ll keep those connections alive. I remember some very bittersweet feelings in the weeks before Lila’s birth; eager anticipation mixed with a bit of grief for the family we were leaving behind. And guilt that we’d given Alex nowhere near the amount of undivided attention he deserved…the sort of attention, of course, that the second child never receives. It was a seismic adjustment for all…still there are times when I feel like a watered-down version for both my children. But, just this weekend, I got to enjoy two very special outings with my darling first, my big boy, just the two of us walking hand-in-hand along the ped mall. You will find ways to just be Dad and Ava, maybe in not the exact same way it once was, but still making special memories together. Enjoy your day tomorrow.

  • http://paida.wordpress.com/ Lauren/ Paida

    Maybe Leah will let you and Ava harvest the beets alone when we are all living on “Commune Nordiclandia”

    • http://nicheplayer.net map

      Well you can rest assured L won’t be harvesting any beets, in any case!

  • http://paida.wordpress.com/ Lauren/ Paida

    Maybe Leah will let you and Ava harvest the beets alone when we are all living on “Commune Nordiclandia”

    • http://nicheplayer.net map

      Well you can rest assured L won’t be harvesting any beets, in any case!

  • http://mysocalledlife-emily.blogspot.com/ Emily

    Cripes. Kathryn’s post about feeling like a “watered-down version” just makes me sad. Because we all know she’s (all of us) so much more than that to her children. We’re all doing our best and isn’t that really all we can ask of ourselves? Be our best, do our best. Sigh….

  • http://mysocalledlife-emily.blogspot.com/ Emily

    Cripes. Kathryn’s post about feeling like a “watered-down version” just makes me sad. Because we all know she’s (all of us) so much more than that to her children. We’re all doing our best and isn’t that really all we can ask of ourselves? Be our best, do our best. Sigh….

  • http://paida.wordpress.com/ Lauren/ Paida

    I just remembered that last night at Aida’s birthday dinner we asked Aida what was the most exciting thing that has ever happened to her. She thought for about a half a second and said visiting Pablo in the hospital on the day he was born. A lot of the time they act like they can’t stand each other – but still a little brother or sister is a great gift. I have a feeling Ava is going to be very proud of her baby and not feel like she is giving up so very much.

  • http://paida.wordpress.com/ Lauren/ Paida

    I just remembered that last night at Aida’s birthday dinner we asked Aida what was the most exciting thing that has ever happened to her. She thought for about a half a second and said visiting Pablo in the hospital on the day he was born. A lot of the time they act like they can’t stand each other – but still a little brother or sister is a great gift. I have a feeling Ava is going to be very proud of her baby and not feel like she is giving up so very much.

  • http://www.aprille.org Aprille

    Aw, geez. *sniff*

  • http://www.aprille.org Aprille

    Aw, geez. *sniff*

  • http://www.dailymayhem.com Cindy

    Hmmm, maybe with the 3 munchkins in our house I have a little different perspective. It’s going to be an amazing time for all of you. Things will, of course change, but the new relationships will leave you in awe. Also, I find I savor the one on one moments “better”. I notice everything and I try harder to create special–usually quite ordinary, moments and traditions. That being said, I still remember the moments we headed to the hospital and uttering, I can’t believe there will be one more of us tomorrow!

    (Oh, and I can assure you we aren’t watered-down after hearing the boys argue today over who loved me more…Jack loves me as much as the earth , sun, and water and Sam loves me as big as to the clouds and the ocean. Not bad:)

  • http://www.dailymayhem.com Cindy

    Hmmm, maybe with the 3 munchkins in our house I have a little different perspective. It’s going to be an amazing time for all of you. Things will, of course change, but the new relationships will leave you in awe. Also, I find I savor the one on one moments “better”. I notice everything and I try harder to create special–usually quite ordinary, moments and traditions. That being said, I still remember the moments we headed to the hospital and uttering, I can’t believe there will be one more of us tomorrow!

    (Oh, and I can assure you we aren’t watered-down after hearing the boys argue today over who loved me more…Jack loves me as much as the earth , sun, and water and Sam loves me as big as to the clouds and the ocean. Not bad:)