Leah: For one, while saying it doesn’t necessarily help the situation, I do agree that you shouldn’t feel guilt in either direction — either for being unable to conceive nor for wanting to. I think both reactions are natural and healthy as long as you don’t, say, start stealing babies from hospital wards. I’m a guy, so no, I don’t know your pain in terms of what it’s like to want to be pregnant and not be able to. I can only speak to what I have observed in my own wife and how, when it was completely and totally irrational for us to be having kids she still desperately wanted one each and every time she was reminded of it, whether it was a commercial or her friends being pregnant. I suppose that is part of the natural biological feature to keep the race going and it extends more than mere jealousy from what I can see. It is, essentially, a biological emptiness.

Mark: Like you, I like to think I’d stick to a line in the sand. Wife and I have talked about how far we’d bother to go in conceiving and right now we seem to have that line defined — no IVF or big heroics. My argument is that if you can’t do it mostly naturally, perhaps you’re not meant to, if nothing else to keep from fostering bad genetics in the species. Nice in theory, but we’ll see how that logic plays out in actuality, should it ever happen.

Both: No doubt lots of people have said something, and I don’t mean to hash over something again, but…adoption? Fostering? I’ve just never seen either of you comment on that subject in a blog yet so…I thought I’d ask. Again, Wife and I have talked about this and we’re all for it, but will probably have another biological first (if possible) and then look into adoption for the 3rd if we get that far. If the 2nd can’t happen biologically, then I think we’ll really go for the foster-to-adopt scenario.

At any rate, it has to be a beyond-sore subject around your household and I don’t mean to exacerbate it in any way. I hope, no matter what the outcome, it is a positive one in the end. Good luck; there’s lot of good feelings and thoughts coming your way from us folk.

Leah: For one, while saying it doesn’t necessarily help the situation, I do agree that you shouldn’t feel guilt in either direction — either for being unable to conceive nor for wanting to. I think both reactions are natural and healthy as long as you don’t, say, start stealing babies from hospital wards. I’m a guy, so no, I don’t know your pain in terms of what it’s like to want to be pregnant and not be able to. I can only speak to what I have observed in my own wife and how, when it was completely and totally irrational for us to be having kids she still desperately wanted one each and every time she was reminded of it, whether it was a commercial or her friends being pregnant. I suppose that is part of the natural biological feature to keep the race going and it extends more than mere jealousy from what I can see. It is, essentially, a biological emptiness.

Mark: Like you, I like to think I’d stick to a line in the sand. Wife and I have talked about how far we’d bother to go in conceiving and right now we seem to have that line defined — no IVF or big heroics. My argument is that if you can’t do it mostly naturally, perhaps you’re not meant to, if nothing else to keep from fostering bad genetics in the species. Nice in theory, but we’ll see how that logic plays out in actuality, should it ever happen.

Both: No doubt lots of people have said something, and I don’t mean to hash over something again, but…adoption? Fostering? I’ve just never seen either of you comment on that subject in a blog yet so…I thought I’d ask. Again, Wife and I have talked about this and we’re all for it, but will probably have another biological first (if possible) and then look into adoption for the 3rd if we get that far. If the 2nd can’t happen biologically, then I think we’ll really go for the foster-to-adopt scenario.

At any rate, it has to be a beyond-sore subject around your household and I don’t mean to exacerbate it in any way. I hope, no matter what the outcome, it is a positive one in the end. Good luck; there’s lot of good feelings and thoughts coming your way from us folk.

Not that you were asking, but my advice is try a few more months and try not thinking about the next step yet.

What have I learned from this quarrel? I will never ever make a “line in the sand” with my husband!

Not that you were asking, but my advice is try a few more months and try not thinking about the next step yet.

What have I learned from this quarrel? I will never ever make a “line in the sand” with my husband!