avablog

Aw, that’s great that she misses her daddy so much. Speaking from a daddy position, I have tons of warm fuzzies when it appears that my son misses me or at least enjoys my presence. Mummy always gets the default nod, so when there’s a voluntary grin in my direction, I’m thrilled.

I’m not a psychologist, so take it as you will, but I think I read somewhere that if you have a bad habit that is a coping mechanism and you want to get rid of it, the best way of doing so is finding another coping mechanism that *isn’t* destructive and make the transfer to that one.

In the case of Ava, maybe you can find something alternate that she can do instead of twisting her hair. Of course, you’ll probably have to “trick” her (in that tricky way that parents make you do something without you knowing that they really want you to, ya know?) so that she doesn’t get suspicious, but maybe like a really pretty, smooth rock that she can rub (her “magic rock”), a particular stuffed animal’s ear to rub, etc. From what I understand, it’ll have to be something that she can do repetitively and have a textural component to it. And will need to be convenient (hair is always there, unfortunately). The rest is open to your imagination.

Good luck…sounds like something she’ll eventually outgrow, but maybe not before Mommy loses some hair, too.

PS — I agree, little girls in pigtails/braids is uber-cute and I’d do the same thing. I’ll brush it every day if she gets to have really cute hair.

How about a doll with twistable hair?

You can call me craaaazy, but I think Ava might benefit from some yoga.

I don’t think that a yoga class will be the silver bullet that kills the hair-twisting demon… but maybe over time she will learn to be calmer, more focused, and more centered. And less twisty.

Here’s another idea… give her incentive to grow her hair long by promising a bunch of new pigtail holders or barettes or something when she gets it to a certain length. Or tell her that Arlo’s mommy is going to make this for her as soon as her hair is long enough for pigtails: http://www.knitty.com/ISSUEwinter06/PATTpiggle.html

I have already made this promise to my own daughter, who is still in the peach-fuzz stage.

I love pig tails on girls too! Although Ava wears the bob exquisitely well…

I have found that I am least able to deal with Aida’s problems when they resemble any issue I struggle with. I am much more short tempered about it than with other issues my kids had. I guess it is because in addition to being frustrated I feel guilty that I have passed on some things I know will make her life a bit more difficult.

As for the twisting hair I would see if she can help you come up with a solution. Pablo’s Kindergarten teacher is really incredible about constantly asking the kids questions and having them find solutions. Maybe ask her why/ when she thinks she does it. Is it when she is feeling sad, nervous, etc?.. Is there anything else she could do with her hand instead? I really have learned so much this year just by watching P’s teacher in action. I am starting to call him the “Kid Whisperer”. He is just so calm cool and collected with them all the time. Incredible.

OK, combo of three ideas. One from your childhood, one from my nursing adventures and one from something I read about families with parents in Iraq. They would make life size “dolls” and would keep them around the house so the kids would still feel the presence of the deployed parent.
The idea from you is that tattered old thing you carried around for YEARS to comfort yourself. That was pretty twisted and knotted beyond recognition – couldn’t even tell it had once been a blanket.
Third idea is from when Kate didn’t want to take a bottle when I was gone, my Rachel would take some of my laundry and put it between her and Kate. She was at least comforted somewhat by the scent of Momma.
So, get a T-shirt in Mark’s size and iron on a decent photo of him. Let Mark sleep in it for a few nights so it really smells like him. Then, she has something she can snuggle that looks and smells like Daddy. Make one of you, too. A sort of “His and Hers” set. Then Mark can use that if he needs to.
Good luck. Poor little bean. Hope she feels better with Daddy back home.

The bad parent thing to do – a shot of Jack. One for her and one for you. Kidding, of course. That’s just for teething.

Jake, my oldest, used to rock and bang his back and head on the rails of the crib. When I took his crib away, he would do it against the wall. DROVE ME NUTS. Not to mention constant bruises that I was afraid people would think were a result of something else. Like Ava twisting her hair, the doctor said this behavior was very normal. As a matter of fact, Jake STILL rocks back and forth when he is on the computer or riding in the car. And it still drives me nuts. But it must be comforting to him.

I like Nathan’s idea of giving her something else to rub. My girls ALWAYS loved their taggie blankets, since all the ribbons aka tags were different textures and colors and such. It would be worth a try. Especially if you’re up front with her and tell her to try rubbing or twisting that instead of twisting her hair.

Keep us updated!

I’m all for Nathan’s idea.

You could add a little (real or made-up) story about how when you were little, you rubbed the (stone, piece of fabric, etc.), then accidentally leave it near her bed…

And even if it drives you up a wall, still… I loved the story.

Our little boys each have a fave stuffed toy that they’ve worried to tatters. Leo rubbed Wormy’s tail so hard that all of his little stuffing balls but five or six or have fallen out, despite the re-stitchings. And Tomi ritualistically rubbed Teddy’s ear — always the same ear and always between the same thumb and forefinger — so hard that these days, there’s only a bit of tattered fabric left, clinging on for dear life. And yet, he still manages to rub it, as if the ear were still there!