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Hoping for a Christmas miracle

November 13th, 2007 · by map · 12 Comments

As of this morning, we’re on to month 12 of the Great Baby Hunt. Leah’s pretty upset, as usual, but I’m trying to remain optimistic. Not necessarily about having another child, which really strikes me as something that’ll happen or not regardless of how badly we want it, but about the odds of life going on after today. I contend those odds are good.

I’m either unwilling or unable to understand Leah’s repeated and profound sadness at each month that goes by without a pregnancy. She sobs that all her friends are having second babies without any trouble at all. I remind her that 1) all her friends are not having second babies, and that 2) even those who are haven’t all done it with no trouble or time. Not to mention the fact that 3) we have friends who haven’t been able to conceive at all (yet).

But this is all wasted on her. She wants her time of mourning. Each unsuccessful attempt at conception derogates from her womanhood. Ava? Ava who? Because I can’t carry a child, it’s easy for me to suggest we take a moment like this not as a sign of failure or inadequacy, but as an occasion to be thankful for the life we have with our beautiful, brilliant little girl.

The timing of all this is inauspicious. Since we’re supposed to start “trying” 10 days after the start of Leah’s cycle, that means we’ll be at Kevin and Rachel’s for Thanksgiving when it’s time to get busy. I’m sure Rachel’s thrilled about this. And since Leah has decreed the complete abstinence from alcohol throughout the duration of our attempts, it’s going to be my first booze-free Klevar Thanksgiving (pray for me). Just kidding, G.G.! The schedule also means we’ll be trying again right around Christmas, assuming our November foray is fruitless.

Tags: TMI

  • http://www.philosyphia.com NathanPralle

    It is a seemingly irrational emotional trip that women go through when they cannot conceive or everyone around them has started having babies and they haven’t gotten around to it, or their friends have gotten to their 2nd already and you’re still trying to figure out which end of the bottle is the most effective end. I don’t directly understand it myself, but I’ve experienced it, so I can sympathize. Like you, I tend on the optimism side of things, saying that it could always be worse (we certainly know people that have it worse) and we’ll get where we’re going when we get there — having a kid because everyone else is is a bad reason.

    None of these are effective, of course, in soothing my wife. So I’ve learned to just accept that this is how she feels and it’s a part of being a mother and a child-bearer (and probably relates greatly to hormones and the mothering emotions).

    Again, as always, I wish you folks lots of luck with this. Also, good luck with making it ‘fun’. We had friends who “had to” try all the time and it just got to be a chore; hopefully you can find a fun way to handle it all.

  • http://www.nathanpralle.com/blog/ Nathan Pralle

    It is a seemingly irrational emotional trip that women go through when they cannot conceive or everyone around them has started having babies and they haven’t gotten around to it, or their friends have gotten to their 2nd already and you’re still trying to figure out which end of the bottle is the most effective end. I don’t directly understand it myself, but I’ve experienced it, so I can sympathize. Like you, I tend on the optimism side of things, saying that it could always be worse (we certainly know people that have it worse) and we’ll get where we’re going when we get there — having a kid because everyone else is is a bad reason.

    None of these are effective, of course, in soothing my wife. So I’ve learned to just accept that this is how she feels and it’s a part of being a mother and a child-bearer (and probably relates greatly to hormones and the mothering emotions).

    Again, as always, I wish you folks lots of luck with this. Also, good luck with making it ‘fun’. We had friends who “had to” try all the time and it just got to be a chore; hopefully you can find a fun way to handle it all.

  • http://nicheplayer.net map

    Thanks, Nathan. I’ve ordered one of these outfits — for Leah — for our next go ’round. I hope it arrives in time (NSFHan Solo).

  • http://nicheplayer.net map

    Thanks, Nathan. I’ve ordered one of these outfits — for Leah — for our next go ’round. I hope it arrives in time (NSFHan Solo).

  • Leah

    Just to clarify for all our readers: There has never, for even one moment, been an “Ava who” in my mind. She fills me up completely–but I want very much to be able to give her a sibling.

  • Leah

    Just to clarify for all our readers: There has never, for even one moment, been an “Ava who” in my mind. She fills me up completely–but I want very much to be able to give her a sibling.

  • http://www.aniowamom.com An Iowa Mom

    I completely understand how Leah is feeling, though I was always able to ‘conceive’ with no problem … the excitement came, the planning, the daydreaming … and then miscarriage. This happened several times in a row and I thought my body was all used up and that I would NEVER be able to carry another child … I was devastated to say the least …

    And then I had Emily. And then Molly.

    Never give up. It will happen when it’s supposed to happen … though waiting for that time is NOT EASY.

    Now this is what’s funny … we were trying to get prego again after the miscarriages, and it wasn’t until Big Daddy took advantage of me after several glasses of wine that it happened. Sad, but true! Hee Hee.

    Maybe you should both enjoy a drink at Thanksgiving and give it a go.

    :)

  • http://www.aniowamom.com An Iowa Mom

    I completely understand how Leah is feeling, though I was always able to ‘conceive’ with no problem … the excitement came, the planning, the daydreaming … and then miscarriage. This happened several times in a row and I thought my body was all used up and that I would NEVER be able to carry another child … I was devastated to say the least …

    And then I had Emily. And then Molly.

    Never give up. It will happen when it’s supposed to happen … though waiting for that time is NOT EASY.

    Now this is what’s funny … we were trying to get prego again after the miscarriages, and it wasn’t until Big Daddy took advantage of me after several glasses of wine that it happened. Sad, but true! Hee Hee.

    Maybe you should both enjoy a drink at Thanksgiving and give it a go.

    :)

  • http://arredonald.blogspot.com/ Lauren/ Paida

    I am very impressed that you even understand that Leah needs her time to mourn.

    As for you men who find it “irrational”; biologically speaking it is probably the most rational thing we women ever go through.

    And Leah I am really sorry. That sucks.

  • http://arredonald.blogspot.com/ Lauren/ Paida

    I am very impressed that you even understand that Leah needs her time to mourn.

    As for you men who find it “irrational”; biologically speaking it is probably the most rational thing we women ever go through.

    And Leah I am really sorry. That sucks.

  • georgie klevar

    When Leah was five years old, she overheard me tell Harv that I thought I was pregnant. She immediately said, “Oh no, you’re pregnant.” Being very bright, she discerned right away that this would have an impact on her status. The fallout from this impact has surfaced occasionally through the years. Yet, this sibling relationship has been so significant to Leah that she wants Ava to have a similar experience. I too hope for Ava to have this. But if it doesn’t happen, Ava is all that any grandmother could want.

    BTW From the Klevar viewpoint, Thanksgiving might be more mellow if Mark finds an internet site that says a couple beers would be good during the “duration.”
    G. G.

  • georgie klevar

    When Leah was five years old, she overheard me tell Harv that I thought I was pregnant. She immediately said, “Oh no, you’re pregnant.” Being very bright, she discerned right away that this would have an impact on her status. The fallout from this impact has surfaced occasionally through the years. Yet, this sibling relationship has been so significant to Leah that she wants Ava to have a similar experience. I too hope for Ava to have this. But if it doesn’t happen, Ava is all that any grandmother could want.

    BTW From the Klevar viewpoint, Thanksgiving might be more mellow if Mark finds an internet site that says a couple beers would be good during the “duration.”
    G. G.